(from October 14, 2005) Having just recently come from a rawthuh swinging par-tay in SL (Hi Maeve, I still wanna have your puppies), I think it's time I ask the question that's been gnawing at me for years, the same way I gnaw on my favorite rawhide bones from Owooooo brand Dog Treats ("Dogs ask for it by name!"): What the hell is it about the wrong kind of guy?
Now, I know it's a cliché and everything, but seriously. There must be something behind this phenomenon for it to be borne out so many times in so many ways. Ladies (or gentlemen, I'm sure this isn't simply a heterosexual thing), let me in on the secret. Why do women (and/or men) like being treated badly?
What is so appealing about the Bad Boy type? Is there some kind of Alpha Male vibe that makes you go all loose in the knees? Does it make you feel like you're somehow protected when being with a guy who's just as willing to flirt with the cute blonde sitting in the seat next to yours when you're out on a date with him? Do you think that because he chose you, when he could have his pick of any babe in the bar, that his taste in women is any more valid than that of the mousy little dude who can barely work up the nerve to ask you the time of day?
I hear someone murmuring something under their breath. I do have wolfy hearing, miss. You might as well share it with the class. Oh, confidence? Confidence is sexy, you say. Sure, I'll agree with that. It's the confidence of knowing that he's in full control of the situation, that he can pick you up and leave you behind when he wants to. Is it sexy to think that you're disposable? What does that say about your own feelings of self-worth?
Perhaps I'm oversimplifying the issue. I don't really have all the answers, despite what my fan club says (hey guys! Akela loves you!). But here's what I do know.
The RWS lived in Hawai'i from his birth until 1992, when he moved to California. Up until that point, sexually, he was a virtual cipher. He wore his hair long, he wasn't athletic, he didn't drink. He was, essentially, not boyfriend material. When he came to California, however, he discovered that, hey! having an ethnically-mixed heritage meant that he was exotic! Ooh, we don't get many boys like you over here... come and sit on Mama's lap!
Suddenly, the floodgates opened, releasing years of pent-up sexuality. The RWS began dating, having lots of fun with many different women. He slowly became a Bad Boy. Leather jacket, long hair, devil-may-care attitude and everything. Life was fun.
Fast forward to years later, attending the party of a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-co-worker in San Francisco. The RWS is introduced to the hostess as "the guy who can get any girl he wants". I'm sure it was meant as a compliment, especially since it came from a guy who was still in Cipherland himself, pale, overweight, nerdy. The hostess (whom the RWS had never met before) turned to him and said "Yeah, I've heard that about you."
This was a sobering moment. If his reputation had made it up to the City, what did that mean? Hell, that he had a reputation at all...
This post is getting a little long, but suffice it to say that he began considering monogamy, and the idea of settling down and putting his wildness to rest. He's done a fairly good job of that. He doesn't run around anymore, he's put down roots, has a wonderful child. My question is: Has he now become less attractive in doing this? If so, why? I invite your comments, as always. Grant enlightenment to this poor lowly creature, that he may benefit thereof. I'm gonna go watch 'Lost' and enjoy my Sawyer. I'm the furthest thing from gay, but that boy is HOT!
hoo hoo ha, and a hoka-hoka hey
Akela